LESSON

I. The Duty of the Wife (vv. 22-24)

A. The Matter of Submission

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands."

We have already seen that the Greek word for "submit" (Gk., hupotasso) is not in the original text of verse 22 but is implied from its usage in verse 21. hupotasso refers to a functional lining up and in no way implies a difference in essence. Also, noted that Paul does not use the word obey (Gk., hupakouo) in reference to the wife. hupakouo, which means "to answer," "to attend," or "to obey," is used for children and slaves but not for wives (Eph. 6:1, 5). A wife is not a slave, awaiting commands such as: "do this! Get that! Go over there! Fix me that! Is my so-and-so done?" She is not a slave. The relationship between a husband and wife is much more intimate, more personal, more inward, and more vital than that. That is indicated by the phrase "your own husband.' There is a possessiveness there that assumes a wife would absolutely and willingly respond in submission to her own husband---one whom she possesses. It is not a reference to inferiority; it's simply a God-ordained distinction in function so that society can be preserved.

God ordains a distinction of function in Genesis 3:16 where He says, "Thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee." Yet in Genesis 2:24 God also says that the two would be one flesh. While there is an intimate inward vitality that makes the two one, it does not violate the function of authority and submission. For the sake of unity and workability, the woman is to be subject to the leadership of the husband---not as a slave but as one who is provided for, cared for, and secured by her husband. It does not have nearly as much to do with what she does for him as what he is responsible to do for her.

Leadership belongs to the man. God designed him to be stronger physically so that he would be able to work for, protect, provide for, and give security to his wife, when the Holy Spirit calls "the weaker vessel" (1 Pet. 3:7). Man is constituted to be the stronger partner. Someone has to be the protector---the one who provides, preserves, and cares---and from the beginning God intended that it be the man.

1. Colossians 3:18

In Colossians 3:18, a parallel passage to Ephesians 5:22, Paul writes, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord." The phrase "as it is fit" or literally, "as it is fitting" is the Greek verb aneko, This verb means "to be fitting, seemly, and proper." In the Septuagint (the Greek translation of the Old Testament), aneko is used for something that is legally binding. Philemon 8 it is also used in this legal sense. What Paul is saying, then, is this: the submission of the wife to her husband is legally binding---it's the accepted law of society.

Where does a society get its laws? When a society acknowledges any part of God's laws as its own, its laws became a reiteration of divine principles. We're quickly seeing the destruction of that concept in our society because we are now legislating morality by majority vote. But if we look back, we will find that the laws governing societies in which God has any influence, such as Western culture, came from a biblical base. For example, we have laws against murder, theft, sexual evil, and perjury. Where do these laws come from? From the Ten Commandments in Exodus 20. We have made laws commensurate with God's divine revelation. So, for the wife to submit to her husband is fitting and proper, not only because it fits the created order of God, but because man has assumed its legally binding design as well.

Have You Been Victimized by the World's of Equal Rights?

I recognize that the issue of authority and submission in the home is not popular. But do you know why? Because we've been brainwashed. If you have trouble accepting these principles, it's because you are a part if a society that has been victimized by a godless, Christless, non-biblical philosophy of living perpetrated through the centuries.

What we're seeing in our society today was also true of the philosophy behind the French Revolution, which was a humanistic, egalitarian approach to life. The French believed they could have a society with absolute equality---a classless, godless type of humanistic existence. That idea has been brewing for years. It is now coming to full brew; and our age is drinking it in: no classes, no sexes, no distinctions, no authority, no submission, and no humility. Our society has become victimized by this atheistic approach to life. And the church, instead of rejecting it, falls right into it by supporting equal rights for homosexuals, advocating women elders and women preachers, and functioning on philosophical, godless hermeneutics that would rather reinterpret the Bible in terms of our present time than accept the authority of the Word of God.

2. 1 Peter 3:1-6

a. Verse 1 --- "Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands." The word subjection is the Greek word hupotasso. You may remember that it means "to come under the rank" and is a word of function, not essence. It's simply talking about the function of leadership and authority in the home. Peter also emphasizes the possessiveness that mitigates the submissive role ("your own husbands"). In other words, because the husband is the wife's possession, there is a natural sense of responding. Further, verse 1 says, "if any [husbands] obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the behavior of the wives."

I'm glad Peter said this, because inevitably someone will say, "You don't know my husband. If I submit to him it's going to be awful. He's not a Christian, and he doesn't obey God or His Word. How in the world am I going to submit to this man?" That verse was written to answer that kind of response. Even if the husband doesn't obey the Word, the wife is to submit. And by her life the husband may be won. Wives instead of writing "Repent" on the bottom of his beer cans, or pasting little notes in his lunch pail, or giving him another gospel presentation, set your life in response to God's ordained pattern for marriage. You may, without even using the Word of God, win him by your behavior.

b. Verse 2 --- You may ask, "What kind of behavior will win my husband?" Peter answers, "Chaste conduct coupled with fear [reverence]." Wives should revere their husbands, manifesting a certain awe and respect. In other words, not only is her life chaste (pure behavior, conduct, and living), but there is also a reverence or an awe that looks up to him and respects him.

c. Verse 3 --- If a wife is concerned with her husband---if she is in awe of him and if her conduct is chaste---her husband will not only be won by her attitude but also by manifestation. Peter says in verse 3 that her adorning will not be the "outward adorning of plaiting the hair [the weaving of gold and silver bands], and of wearing gold or of putting on of apparel." In other words, if she preoccupies herself with such external adornment, she is in violation of the standard. Why? Because someone who is submissive doesn't call attention to herself.

d. Verse 4 --- Instead of being preoccupied with external adornment, verse 4 says, the women should be concerned with "the hidden man of the heart," or "the secret of the heart" (the word man isn't in the Greek text). In other words, don't work on the outside; work on the inside. Instead of focusing on that which is corruptible (apparel, gold, or braided hair), concentrate on developing "a meek and quiet spirit." The word meek (Gk., prauv) means "quiet and gentle." The word quiet simply means "silent and still."

There are women today who are boisterous and loud, demanding their rights, parading and marching, and proclaiming the injustices done to them. That isn't God's standard. The Bible tells women instead to cultivate a meek, quiet, gentle, still, peaceful, silent spirit. Now that doesn't mean wives are to never offer their opinion. It means they are to understand that God expects them to be humble and still. That is the beauty and strength of a woman.

Note that all this is "in the sight of God." The Greek word enopion means "face-to-face with." As you're standing face-to-face with God, He doesn't care what your hair looks like or how much gold you're wearing or if you have on the latest fashion; He's looking for a meek and quiet spirit. In His sight, a meek and quiet spirit is "of great price" (Gk., polutelev). Polutelev is the same word used in Mark 14:3, when the women opened the alabaster box and took out the precious ointment. A meek and quiet spirit is precious and valuable to God.

e. Verse 5 --- "For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands" That has always been the standard. Holy women focused on the inside. Why? Because they trusted God. They adorned themselves with a meek and quiet spirit in submission to their husbands.

f. Verse 6 --- Peter gives an illustration of one such woman: "Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord [a term of respect, awe, and reverence]: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any terror." As Abraham is the father of the faithful (Gal. 3:7), Sarah is the mother of the submissive. Daughters of Sarah are those who call their husbands lord, are submissive to him, "are not afraid with any terror."

I hear women say, "I'm afraid to submit to my husband, because if I do, I'll lose my rights. He'll run me down." But those holy women mentioned in 1 Peter 3:5 trusted God and had no fear of obeying Him. They knew that if ever there was an abuse , God would take care of the results. If you obey God and submit to your husband with a meek and quiet spirit, respond the way God wants you to respond, and don't have any fear in doing that, you can believe that God will honor your commitment---no matter what.

3. 1 Corinthians 11:3-12

There was a women's liberation movement in Corinth. Women were trying to do the same jobs as men and were trying to look and act like men. Apparently some of the women in the Corinthian church were swept up in that movement, and it was bringing reproach to the name of Christ and His church. So Paul wrote them to straighten it out.

In Corinthian society the women were supposed to be submissive; and the symbol of their submissiveness, modesty, and humility was that they wore a veil. Only two kinds of women took off their veils; prostitutes and feminists. The prostitutes took them off so men could see what they looked like, and the feminists took their veils off as a symbol of protest. So amid the feminists and the harlots Paul writes to the Corinthian women and in effect says, "Ladies, keep your veils on. In our society that's recognized as submission. Respond to that symbol, so that the world doesn't see the church rebelling against God-ordained principle." Paul is simply saying that a woman is to take a place of submission and that she would never violate that place.

4. Titus 2:3-5

Paul writes, "The aged women [the older, mature women whose children are no longer in the home] likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers [they aren't scandalmongers, going around telling tales about people], not given to much wine, teachers of good things." Notice that older women are to be teachers. And whom are they to teach? Verse 4 says, "That they may teach the young women." There is remarkable pattern here. The older women are to teach younger women. Teach them what? "To be sober minded [to know their priorities], to love their husbands [Gk., filandrov, "man-lover" or "husband-lover"]." Wives are to be characterized by their love for their husbands.

Some people emphasize that husbands are commanded to love their wives (Eph. 5:25) and that the wife is only a responder. They say to the husband, "If your wife doesn't love you or isn't responding properly to you, it's your fault; you're not loving her. All you need to do is love her, and she will respond." However, that's an overstatement because in Titus 2:4 wives are told to love their husbands. Again we see tremendous mutuality and balance. The wife also has the responsibility to love her husband. Marriage is mutual.

Further, verse 4 says that mothers are "to love their children (Gk., filateknov, "child-lover"]." Remember, love involves sacrifice. Wives are to do whatever has to be done to meet the needs of their husbands and children. In fact, the implication of those terms is that the wife would even give her life for them.

Verse 5 says the older women are to teach the younger women "to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed." The issue is that God wants His Word to be glorified, and when we don't live by His Word, it is dishonored. We are in effect saying, "Who cares what the Bible says?" So, if wives are to honor God's honor, they must love their husbands and children. Notice that the possession idea is again used with the phrase "their own husbands." Also notice the word obedience. That is a poor translation. The Greek word used here is not Ãpokouo, which means "to answer" or "to line up under." So again we see that women are to submit to their own husbands.

Should Mothers be Employed Outside the Home?

We have a problem in America. There are more than 42 million working mothers in America, and 6 million of those have small children. One out of every three mothers with a child under three works in a full-time job. Who is to rear the children and take care of the home? I think the answer to this problem is contained in the phrase "keepers at home" in Titus 2:5.

The phrase "keepers at home" is the Greek word oikourgov. It comes from oikov, which means "home," and ergon, which means "work." Oikourgov, then simply means "to work at home." I believe that means mothers ought to work at home. You may say, "But I have a wonderful job," "But we need the money," "But my kids are in school." However, the Bible says mothers are to work at home. It doesn't say, "Under the circumstances, this is not valid."

Now what does the word ergon mean? It refers to work, but the emphasis in the New Testament is that it involves a job or a task, and in some cases it is translated "employment." It is not referring to the quality of work; it is referring to an assigned task. A mother is to be employed in the assigned task of working at home. This use of ergon appointed employment, task, duty, or work is seen in the following passages: Mark 13:34, John 4:34, 17:4, Acts 13:2, Philippians 2:30, and 1 Thessalonians 5:13. Also, compare 1 Timothy 5:14, which says, "I will, therefore, that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house." The phrase "guide the house" in the Greek text is oikodespoteo, and according to two excellent Greek lexicons (Arndt and Gingrich, Moulton and Milligan) that word means "to keep house."

So what's a mother to do with her life? Pursue a career? I don't see that here. According to Titus 2:3-5, a mother is to be a lover of her husband, a lover of her children, and one who does her task at home. A mother is to work inside the home---not outside.

I believe all this is related to the principle of being submissive to the husband. If a woman is working outside the home, she has a different set of circumstances to deal with: other involvements, other complications, other bosses, other people giving orders. The boss might say, "That's not the way to dress. I want you to dress this way." She may have to buy a new wardrobe, and if her husband doesn't agree with her boss's decision---there's conflict. I think a woman who works outside the home puts herself under circumstances and authorities that know no biblical injunction to be responsible for her.

Some of the problems we're seeing in our society today are directly related to the loss of mothers in the home. Now the issue is not whether the children are home from school yet. A mother's obligation to her home doesn't change just because her children are in school. In fact, psychological tests have shown that children who grow up in homes where the mother works are much more insecure than children who grow up in homes where the mothers are home. When a child is in school, if he knows his mother is at home, that serves as an anchor.

The recent epidemic of working mothers has helped contribute to missing children, delinquency, adultery, fornication, divorce, and a lack of understanding about God-ordained roles in the home, to the detriment of the next generation. And by the way, mothers who stay home and do nothing but watch soap operas and behave like unfaithful busybodies are no better. Just because a mother stays home doesn't mean she's spiritual. Her influence might be worse than that of another mother who works.

Is a Wife to be the Breadwinner of Her Family

I tried to find a place in the Bible that says a wife may be the breadwinner. I didn't find it. I couldn't find any statement anywhere in the Bible that says the wife is to be the protector, the preserver, or the provider of the family. In fact, what I did find was just the opposite. First Timothy 5:8 talks about the husband's role and says, "But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel." The context here is that the man is to provide for any widow in his own house or immediate family, but it also extends to those in his extended family. The point is that the husband is to be the provider---not the wife.

What about the woman with children at home whose husband dies or divorces her, and she has to go to work? But if she leaves the home, the situation becomes even worse, because then no one would be at home. The father is not there, and now even the mother is gone. Who's responsible? If I'm related to such a person, I'm responsible to take up her support so that she can stay home. And if she doesn't have anyone related to her who can do that, the church is responsible. But she should not have to go out and forfeit the responsibility that God has given her.

And what are the older women whose children are all grown and out of the house to do? The answer is in Titus 2:3-5. When they were young women, they were to be loving their husbands and children and keeping their homes. Now that their children are grown, their priority should be to invest themselves in a spiritual ministry of teaching younger women. I'm not saying that at this point a woman can't work, but I don't see a provision for doing so in Scripture. She may take that liberty. However, I do know Scripture says that the responsibility of the older women is to teach the younger women. Think about it: if the younger women aren't staying home and learning from the older women, the next generation won't have any older women who have anything to teach. There will be no legacy to pass on.

Now I know that some of you don't have a choice. No one is taking care of you or making provision for you. Some wives are working because no other family member is willing or able to work. But that is something the church is responsible for and has unfortunately neglected for centuries. The wife is not to be the breadwinner.

The Blessing of God or Disobedient Presumption?

In our society, when couples get married they may want a particular house or car and decide that in order to get it they will both have to work. Then, after they become accustomed to a life-style that demands two incomes, a child is born, the mother stays home for three months, the child is put in the lap of a baby-sitter, the mother goes back to work, and the baby-sitter raises the child. Even some Christian schools now provide day-care centers to take care of the children of the faculty and staff. But we cannot approach life that way and then say, "Look how the Lord has blessed us." If the husband is the provider and God gives the family twenty-five cars, a Greyhound bus, five houses, and a hotel---that's one thing. But if a mother ha to violate the standard that God has ordained and leave the children to go to work to buy more material goods, don't confuse the blessing of God with disobedient presumption.

Working Mothers: A Contributing Factor to Inflation

Working mothers help contribute to inflation. When there are two breadwinners in the family, more earning power is created. More earning power creates higher prices, and higher prices create inflation. You may say, "But it's almost impossible to buy a house without two incomes." You might also note when the inflation spiral began---when mothers started going to work. But that is just a side issue, a matter for economists to debate. What's important is that the Bible says mothers are to be "keepers at home."

Now you may say, "This is pretty strong stuff. I have a lot of energy and creativity, and I want to do things." Good, I have one more passage that I want you to look at.

5. Proverbs 31:10-31

If you think a mother is stifled in he God-ordained role, you've totally missed the point. Let's look at the virtuous woman of Proverbs 31.

a. Her value (v. 10)

"Her price is far above rubies [or pearls]."

b. Her trustworthiness (v. 110 "The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil." The first thing about a virtuous wife is that her husband can trust her with the checkbook without fearing that she's going to waste his fortune or squander his resources.

c. Her supportiveness (v. 12) "She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life." She sees herself as one who supports her husband and undergirds him, freeing him from anxiety and fear. And she doesn't just sit around saying supportive thing; she gets into the action.

d. Her productiveness (v. 13-14)

She seeks wool and lax, and if she has to travel as a merchant's ship to get the best deal, she does it. Now I've never said that a woman has to stay at home and never leave. She may have a ministry, disciple people, attend a Bible study, or shop. Obviously, there are places she has to go if she's going to be productive. The woman of Proverbs 31 goes a long way to get a good deal on wood and flax, and according to verse 19, when she gets it she puts it on the spindle and the distaff and makes the thread. And with that thread she begins to make clothes. She's productive.

e. Her sacrifice (v. 15) "She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens." She's more concerned about her family than her own comfort. Her primary concern is to serve her family.

f. Her enterprise (vv. 16-19)

She saves up money and instead of squandering it buys a field, purchases some seed, and plants a vineyard. There's a place for enterprise, but the home must be the base. The wife's earnings should not be the source of the family's income. If a family can't live on what the husband makes, then they're living beyond their God-intended means and victimized by our affluent, materialistic, indulgent society. And if God prospers a family through the husband, thank Him, praise Him, and enjoy it---because God gives bountifully.

In verse 17 we see that the virtuous woman is not frail and self-indulgent, making herself beautiful all the time. She works with her arms to provide a little extra---not because her family needs it for the moment or because she's being indulgent, but because she's planning for the future against the moment when tragedy might come (the Hebrew text in verse 25 says she'll laugh at the future).

g. Her priorities (vv. 20-24)

I want to show you why she is so enterprising. There's a progression here.

1) Verse 20 --- She's enterprising, first of all, so that she can give to those who don't have anything.

2) Verse 21 --- Since she had something left over from what she gave to the needy, she clothed her household in scarlet so they would have something a little nicer.

3) Verse 22 --- After the needs of the needy were met and the family had nice clothing, she made herself something nice---a lined overcoat out of tapestry and clothes of white linen and purple.

4) Verse 24 --- After she met the needs of the poor, the needs of her family, and her own needs, she started a little business out of the home, making fine linen, selling it, and delivering belts to the merchant. And notice that it is all in the right sequence of priority.

h. Her reward (vv. 27-28)

"She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her." That's the prize for living out God's perfect design.

B. The Manner of Submission (v. 22b)

"As unto the Lord."

Wives, when you submit to your husbands, it shouldn't be with the attitude, "I'll do it, but this is really rough. If you only knew what I was sacrificing for the sake of spirituality." You are to submit "as unto the Lord." If Jesus Christ walked up to you and said, "Woman, quit your job and go home and take care of your children," what would you say? What if your husband walked up to you and said that? The Lord has appointed your husband as head of your marriage and family. Obey him as you would the Lord.

C. The Motive of Submission (v. 23a)

"For the husband is the head of the wife."

Wives, you are the body, and your husband is the head. The head gives the orders; the body doesn't. You may say, "But that is degrading." No it isn't. When a body responds to its head, it isn't degraded; but when a body doesn't respond to the head, it's considered spastic. When we see a body responding to the mind, a well-coordinated functioning body, the body is honored as well as the mind. But if the nobody doesn't respond, both are dishonored.

D. The Model of Submission (vv. 23b-24)

"Even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything." Jesus Christ is the Savior of the church, and when he died on the cross He said, "It is finished" (John 19:30). All we need to do is fall under His provision. That's the illustration. Now in the home, the husband is the provider, the deliverer, the protector, and the savior. We don't need co-breadwinners, co-saviors, co-protectors, co-providers, or co-preservers. All a wife needs to do is fall under the protection, the provision, and the preservation of her husband. That's God-ordained pattern. And believe me, when we follow that pattern, we'll have happier homes, godlier children, and fewer divorces. God will be honored, and the Word of God will not be blasphemed.

Finally, verse 24 says that the wives are to submit in everything. You may ask, "In everything?" Yes, There is only one exception. If you husband tells you to do something that is disobedient to God, then you must say what Peter said: "We ought to obey God rather than men" (Acts 5:29). But short of that, everything. What's the key? Being "filled with the Spirit" (v. 18). The Spirit-filled wife will submit to her husband, and God's will be honored as a result.

Focusing on the Facts

1. Explain the difference between the Greek word used to describe the submission of the wife in Ephesians 5:22 and the word used to describe the submission of children and slaves in Ephesians 6:1, 5.

2. Is Paul's command to wives an implication that they are inferior? Explain.

3. Why is the wife to be subject to the leadership of hr husband?

4. What has been the foundation of laws in societies influenced by God?

5. Why is the issue of authority and submission in the home not popular?

6. How can a non-believing husband be won to Christ by his believing wife (1 Pet. 3:1)?

7. Instead of being preoccupied with external adornment, who does 1 Peter 3:4 say that a woman should be concerned with what kind of spirit should she develop? Why?

8. What was the symbol of submissiveness in Corinthian society? What kinds of women did not identify themselves with that symbol? Why did Paul want them to use it?

9. Whom are the older Christian women supposed to teach? What are they supposed to teach?

10. Is a wife only a responder to her husband's love?

11. Where is a mother to work according to Titus? Explain.

12. How can a wife's submissiveness be challenged if she works outside the home?

13. How can a child benefit from knowing that his mother is at home?

14. According to 1 Timothy 5:8, who is to be the breadwinner of the family?

15. If a mother is divorced or widowed, should she have to work to support herself and her children? Where should her support come from if possible.

16. What often happens when young married couples who have become accustomed to a two-income life-style decide to have children?

17. Does a mother's energy and creativity become stifled in her God-ordained role? Describe the woman of Proverbs 31.

18. What progression of priorities can be seen in the enterprising efforts of the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31?

19. Describe the manner of submission that should characterize a wife.

20. Explain how the model of the church's submission to Christ applies to the submission of the wife to her husband.

21. What is the one time when a wife need to submit to her husband (Acts 5:39)? What is the key to submitting "in everything" (Eph. 5:18, 24)?

Pondering the Principles

1. Read 1 Peter 3:16. As evidence of a wife's submission to her husband, what type of conduct should she have? What type of attitude should she develop? What effect can submissiveness have on an unbelieving husband? If you are a wife, rate your submissiveness to your husband: (1) always, in everything; (2) usually, except when I don't fully agree with him; (3) sometimes, when the issue is insignificant or I'm too tired to argue; or (4) seldom. Because he isn't a Christian. Do you submit to him as you would "unto the Lord" (Eph. 5:22? You are bringing honor to yourself and your husband when you willingly submit to his leadership. Even if your husband doesn't know the Lord, the beauty of your submissiveness spirit, which is empowered by the Holy Spirit who indwells you, can draw him to the point of submission to God. If he knows you are his best friend an dare always ready to support him rather than to criticize him, he may be willing to follow the God your reverent life reflects.

2. If you are a mother who works outside the home, analyze why you are working. By the time taxes, increased child-care, clothing, and transportation expenses are deducted from your income, how much extra income are you actually providing? Does an exhausting day at work determine the way you handle discipline problems in the evening, as well as the quality of attention you give your children? If you are separated or divorced and have the power to reverse that situation, try to do so. As a single parent, you will be faced with the dilemma of having someone else raise your children or having no provision for your children as you raise them. Trust God to provide for your needs through a husband (1 Tim. 5:140, a family member (1 Tim. 5:4, 8), a government subsidy, or an adequate amount of life insurance to replace the potential loss of your husband's income so that you can fulfill the biblical role of a mother.